I thought I'd follow up my solemn frustrating post from the other day with a happy, "hopeful" post. I don't like to be frustrated...I'd much rather be happy!
I wanted to post a quick note to say how much my two boys put joy into my heart. Despite the frustration I feel when I see a negative pregnancy test and despite the stress and worry that pummels me sometimes, Sammy and Benny give me such joy. I am so thankful for them.
I mentioned having a rough start to the New Year. I had taken a pregnancy test on New Year's Eve. Even though it was an early test that came back negative, it was the 'big blow' telling me that my chances were pretty much over...for this month.
Well, thankfully I had Sammy & Benny there to make me laugh and smile when the tears had run their course. We had our own New Year's Eve Party at my mom's house. Normally Alex & I and the boys head to my brother's for New Year's. We spend the night there and have a great time visiting with my brother and sister-in-law. Since they were out of town this year, we spent the evening with my mom, step-dad and grandma.
At some point in the evening, the boys decided they wanted to dance and have a party. They really got in to the music on Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve! Wearing their New Year's hats (that I paid too much for) they jumped, spun and boogied the night away. My mom & I joined in the fun while Alex laughed at our antics. Sammy's comments, "Mommy, I love our New Year's Party!" still echo in my head. Benny's 'butt shaking' moves still crack me up. He bends over and puts his hands on the floor. He then shakes his rear. Don't ask me how he came up with that move!
I'm so thankful for my boys. They are my joy every day and whenever I feel myself sinking into sorrow, they are there to give me hugs and have me hug them right back.
Just today, Sammy and Benny both asked me when God would put another baby into my tummy. I told them I didn't know and that we needed to continue to pray about it. Benny reminded me of his order..."for a baby sister" and Sammy added, "I want a baby sister and a baby brother." Then Benny asked if he could have a baby in his tummy. Well, leave it to my three-year-old to crack us all up while Sammy explained that only Mommy's could have babies in their tummies. I finished with, "But Benny has lots and lots of love in his tummy! And so does Sammy!"
My boys have so much love in them. I thank God for them every day. I know Baby Jacob would have been just as loving.
I hope Jacob saw us dancing on New Year's. I hope he was dancing in Heaven along with us. I also hope he knows that I'm trying hard to be hopeful...for all three of my boys.
And so I'm dancing in my heart today. I hope your heart is dancing too.