Mommy's heart for Baby Jacob

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hope continues...

Hi Friends,

I wanted to apologize for my delinquency in posting lately.  It's been one crazy and hectic month.  I've had so many things on my mind too.  Guess I'll just have to get myself (and you!) caught up.  I'm out of town on my mom's computer and she's having problems with it.  I'm just hoping that it's still here and working throughout the week so I can post!

I have one very special reason for wanting to get my posts updated...my baby's due date is just a few days away.  Would you believe that I've almost been stressing about which date to pick?  You see, Jacob was due on May 2.  But, as he would have been born via scheduled c-section, he would have been born at least 7 days prior to May 2.  Now, Sammy was born 10 days prior to his due date and Benny arrived 14 days ahead of his.  So, from the very beginning I felt that our sweet little baby would have made his entrance at least 10-14 days early, if not even earlier than that. 

I think I've decided on the date that I will celebrate as what would have been his birthday.  I'll be updating everyone on that day soon.  I've been thinking a lot about what to do to honor and remember my baby on this day.  It will be a day of celebration, tears and joyous thoughts of my little Jacob in Heaven.  I can't tell you how much it helps to think of him and to talk about him and often...I don't know if it makes sense, but keeping him alive in our lives, keeps him alive in our hearts.  I'm so thankful for my sweet little son in Heaven.  So very thankful.

Well, friends.  In the event you don't see any posts from me this week, I'm sorry!!  It would probably mean that my mom's PC got all goofy so that's what would prevent me from getting on.  I'm praying that God will let the computer function long enough for me to get what I need to out...it's important to me and especially at this time.

I wanted to thank everyone for their continued support and for reading my blog.  I'm so very touched that you care so much to be with me on this journey.  Please know how much I welcome your comments, it's so wonderful to know that this is a shared journey.  I love to hear from you.

You know, one last thought for this late night.  I was walking up to my mom's porch after an enjoyable afternoon at Polkas today.  I don't know why but for some reason my eyes fixated on a little metal decorative sign my mom has sticking in a flower pot in the corner.  As I approached it, my eyes were held by the word on this sign--"HOPE".  It was just all my eyes were able to focus on but I have no idea why.

Oh, I've seen it lots of times before but for some reason today, it seemed to pull me in.  It's difficult to explain but my eyes just got locked on the sign and for some reason couldn't let it go.  I'd like to think that again, maybe God is sending me a little message.  Hope is there.  Keep Hope alive.  Just as I'm keeping my Jacob alive in my heart, so am I not giving up on another little one coming into our lives. 

Hope.  Hope is what brought me Jacob in the first place.  Just when I was wondering if we really would be able to get pregnant, two little pink lines stared up at me that day last September.  For some reason, today the "Hope" sign stared at me from the planter.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.  I continue to thank Him for all of His blessings.   Even though my baby is at home with Him, I am so thankful that I did get pregnant and carry my little love for 13 weeks.  Jacob will always be a blessing to me.

Hoping to keep posting in the next few days during this special week!!

Kim :)

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